Again, Bob has been on a missions trip for the past week to India (click to read his blog). I mentioned that I learned that I am more productive the busier I am. I also learned that it is so good that I get along with Bob and Shannon. (Bob, if you read this... don't leave the store that long again, okay?). I should share with you the big lessons I learned this week, too.
I was reminded that I was put on this earth as a servant and need to act as such. More on that later.
I learned that I have a hard to ignite, but short fuse. You know the saying about people who get mad easily having short fuses. Well, my fuse doesn't just control my angry gland, but my emotions in general. The best way I can think to describe it is like I'm a candle that has been dunked in water. It takes some time to get the little wick lit, but when it is, it's a matter of minutes before there is a meltdown and I end up a puddle. I have a cry fest and solid up again.
This is going to be so hard to write without incriminating people-- the problem with living in a small town. I will try to be vague and still make the point.
I was taken advantage of a few times this week in different circumstances. Each instance was slightly frustrating but the trigger was a parent who came to the store specifically to tell me he was unhappy with his student's grade in band and blaming me for it. Fire lit. Suddenly all the little annoyances of the week were bigger. Meltdown. Puddle.
It seems the kids that try really hard at lessons don't do as well as they'd hoped. And the ones that don't try just keep on not trying. It seems that some customers will always and forever think I'm the biggest idiot to ever work at a music store. It seems that common courtesy and being considerate of others is no longer common at all.
So, I had a cry fest over the phone to my mom where I seemed to keep repeating "I need a vacation!" over and over and thanking her again and again for the plane tickets for my trip at the end of March.
To be honest, the things that happened weren't as big as they seemed at the moment. That is what having a mental breakdown does to you. A fueled pity party can only get bigger and the more you feed it the less you want to put an end to it.
I forgot for a while that I am a servant of Christ, that I shouldn't concern myself as much with how others treat me, but how I treat others. I'm guilty of making people feel less or blindly doing something that hurt someone else. I've decided for my own gain not to do something that could have helped someone else out. I've taken advantage of peoples time, money, resources. I forgot that I need to remember how I've been forgiven so I can forgive others.
Instead, I had a meltdown and that is unacceptable. I said some choice words to people who may or may not have deserved them the day after my pity party, but I deserve many choice words myself. I found myself easily irritable in situations that normally would not have been an issue.
I'm glad that I'm solid again and my prayer journal now has this meltdown written in.
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