Clarinet Choir

A few weeks ago I was listening to a piece of classical music with my boss, Bob, at work.  I recognized the melody and knew that I had to have played it at some point.  I tried later that day and into the evening to find a recording of it but failed.  It made me sad. 
Bob teased that I was "reliving the glory days" before I left work and he was probably right.  My experiences in high school and college were a great time that I find myself wanting to experience again from time to time.  Maybe everyone gets a little nostalgic, but to me, it's saying goodbye to a way of life and a passion I can no longer fully participate in.
When it comes to what I play and how well I play it I don't like to bring it up, I don't like to talk about it and I don't like to brag.  Which is why the common answer I give to how many instruments I play is "a few", how well I play is "I do alright" and other vague answers to such questions.  I've always found the minute you brag it's to someone who is better than you are and they won't be impressed.  I find that being specific, even if you don't mean to sound arrogant comes across that way.  So vague and simple is usually best.
But I am going to admit some things right now that I normally wouldn't say.  I am a good musician.  I have to remember the "glory days" to be reminded of that.  I was a first chair in a Europe tour, All-State, honor band clarinetist.  I was a special guest oboist.  I was lead alto in a jazz ensemble.  I was a soloist, a composer, an arranger, a sought after musician.
I chose a different path than performer when I left school and married Jim.  I accepted the minute I said "yes" to Jim's proposal that I was giving up that future and I know I made the right choice.  But I would be lying if I didn't sometimes miss it.
I miss having a reason to practice or play with an ensemble of any size.  It's why I never complain about being on the special music schedule, it's why I learned bass (to play in the worship team) and it's why when Nate Helzer offers me an opportunity to play in the pit orchestra for a musical or accompany his choirs I jump at the chance.  It's why the Seussical was the highlight of my year last year-- playing in a group, even a small one, the challenges it presented, the multiple instruments, everything I love to do. 
Not to say I don't find things to do.  I am always looking for new music for special music at church, Karen and I work on solos of mine, I am always thinking of things to do with an ensemble and I'm always thinking of things to write.  It's why I give lessons and why I love working at the music store.
It's also why I'm re-writing a piece for the OHS band to hopefully perform sometime this spring.  It's also why I didn't hesitate to accept when the Clarinet Madness clarinet choir in South Dakota offered to play something I write.  The clarinet choir will be particularly special to write for, as two of my most beloved private instructors perform in it (which I admit also freaks me out a little bit!). 
Music will always be a part of my life.  While I may no longer be able to perform in concert bands, orchestras or jazz groups, I will fill my life with what I can.  It's a part of what makes me, me.